written by Bradley J.P, Sept 10 2022
VERSE 1
Every night, I go in the shower
That's where I'm gonna spend the hour
And I always bring a belt
'Cuz my schlong is 'bout to get some welts
CHORUS
Oh, "WHY DO YOU DO IT?!" IS WHAT YOU ALL SCREAM
SO, YOU'RE UNCHRISTIAN, IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?!
AND YOU KNOW YOU'VE HEARD THE OLD SAYING;
"SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE MEAT!"
(x2)
VERSE 2
So, I'm at church, now, for it's my priority
The pastor's on another rant about minorities
Throwing racial slurs left and right
When all of a sudden, my pants start to get tight
CHORUS
BRIDGE
Now, I'm in the bathroom
As I'm jerking off, I yell:
"If you don't beat your meat, the Bible says you'll go to hell"
There are cuts on my dick from the belt buckle
Its condition gets worse as I quietly chuckle
When, suddenly, I feel a horrible pain
I look down at my cock and I see what remains
GUITAR SOLO
CHORUS
This is the second song I ever wrote, and frankly, I'm not ashamed of it at all.
VERSE 1
Your school called today, they told us that you're bi
You filthy pervert, don't you try to lie
It's a sickness of choice, you being a queer
We're gonna beat it out of you, get over here
CHORUS
LASHES AND WHIPS UPON MY SKIN
SCREAMING IN MY EAR THAT IT'S A SIN
EVERY DAY, IT'S JUST THE SAME, ALL IN THE NAME OF CURING ME
(x2)
VERSE 2
Alright, you know why you're all at this place?
It's because you got a disease in your mind
But we've got the cure, it's prayer and grace
And if that doesn't work, we'll have to use more drastic measures
CHORUS
VERSE 3
We're gonna fix you up real good, now
Just lie down while we strap these to your dick
Now, I'm gonna show you some pictures
If that don't work, we'll have to cut out your brain
CHORUS
VERSE 4
They gave us our son back after a year
He's no longer a queer, but he seems a tad weird
He no longer talks or comes down to eat
Oh dear, I think I just heard a gunshot
This piece of shit is a re-write of "STR, STM", but with crappy, Martinez-esque lyrics about conversion therapy, which I'm really ashamed of. Brings me physical pain to even look at these lyrics, honestly.
Rhymes are cool
I'm no fool
I hate life
It's full of strife
I'm a nerd
I took a turd
I wanna cry
I'm gonna die
Now, I wrote this song for my Language Arts class back in 7th grade. It was based, albeit somewhat loosely off that stupid "We Real Cool" poem.
INTRO
My grades are absolute shit
The highest I'll ever get is a D
No matter how hard I try at school, I'll always fail
I even tried cheating every once in a while
And that's gotten me a better grade than usual
VERSE 1
Every day, I wake up at 8:40 AM
9:40 AM on Wednesdays
I use up 5 bottles of soap in the shower
But I still smell like the inside of someone's asshole
CHORUS
MY FRIENDS CAN'T STAND ME
MY TEACHERS CAN'T STAND ME
MY PARENTS CAN'T STAND ME
I CAN'T STAND ME
VERSE 2
All the songs I write are fucking garbage
I don't know why I keep writing this shit
They'll never get me anywhere in life
So why don't I just quit?
CHORUS
VERSE 3
I am literally incapable of success
I always try so hard
But I just can't succeed, I never will
I sound like a whiny bitch now, don't I?
CHORUS
Nothing much to say about this one, aside from the fact that this is the titular track of an album I never got around to finishing.
VERSE 1
ALVIN WAS PISSING ME OFF
HE WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW HE CHEATED ON BRITTANY WITH MY MOM
HE WAS A LYING SON OF A BITCH
CHORUS
I KILLED ALVIN
I STUFFED HIS BODY IN DAVE'S FRIDGE
I KILLED ALVIN
SIMON AND THEODORE BETTER WATCH OUT
VERSE 2
I CHASED THAT WILY LITTLE FUCKER AROUND MY HOUSE WITH A CLEAVER
I BACKED HIS SORRY ASS INTO A CORNER
HIS SCREAMS GAVE ME AN ERECTION
CHORUS
(GUITAR SOLO)
I HID THE BODY IN DAVE'S FRIDGE
KILLING THAT SQUEAKY-VOICED LITTLE BASTARD WAS THE GREATEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE
I'MMA KILL SIMON NEXT
This song was the most fun to record. Also, during the guitar solo, you can hear me yell "Somebody kill me", because it's funny.
You gotta clear your search history
You gotta hide all your electronics
Even the goddam remote
Do you realize how fucked you’d be
If your parents looked through your shit?
You’ll be damned if you let that happen
You’re chilling out at school and all is going well until
You realize you didn’t hide your phone
And your battery’s probably not dead
Oh shit, oh fuck, you’re out of luck
They’re probably looking through it right now as we speak
You’d better prepare yourself
Now you’re home from school
You say hi to your mom and instantly run upstairs
Your phone’s been completely untouched
“Come downstairs, we need to have a talk about what you’ve been using the computer for.”
Oh, fuck
I’ve been trying to write this fucking song for a while now
But I just don’t know what to say
I could write about how much I love you
But we both know that’s not true
I could try writing something funny
But it’d just come off as disturbing
I might not even try to write a song
But isn’t that just what I'm doing right now?
I don’t think a solo or anything would be necessary
But I still gotta write this fucking son of a bitch
Wait, no I don’t!
You know what?
Fuck it.
I give up on this stupid song.
THE NOISE
THE PEOPLE SCREAMING IN MY EAR
ALL I WANT IS TO BE ALONE
I CAN'T HIDE FROM IT
EVERYWHERE I GO IT FOLLOWS ME
I FOUND MY 9MM
I PUT IT TO MY HEAD
I CAN FINALLY GET SOME PEACE